Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Worst 40 Porn Adaptations of all time

What Makes a bad porn adaptation?
Before we can begin to identify the worst porn adaptations of all time, we need to first define what a bad porn adaptation is. Unlike real things, porn does not need to focus that much on plot or character development. No, the point of a porn adaptation is to get your rocks off with your favorite show and characters. Thus, the issue probably boils down to this: would most connoisseurs of porn consider the film to be jackoffable or jackawful.

According to Suou Tamaki's True Word, the following are the worst 40 porn adaptations ever made. Readers are required to have their sporks to hand.

* Tamaki does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticise his numeration policy.

40.Yuuri and Wolfram's Adventures Through Candyland. The plot wasn't sweet enough. (Kyou Kara Maoh)

39. Satanic Sluts 5, Through the Back Door OF HELL! (School Days)
The Non-stop actions between Satan and his sluts Sekai, Kotonoha and Makoto(?).

38. War Of The Galactic Whores (Galaxy Angel)
Watch different sluts go at it then have long, boring lame-ass sex...

37. Sanzo sleeps All the way in an Unusual Sorority in the Blue Sea of Nirvana (Gensomaden Saiyuki)
This yaoi adaptation is bad 'cause has way too much porn for only 166 min. Experts agree that it should run for 540 min.

36. I know what you did all summer (Ichigo Mashimaro)
A side-story of Ichigo Mashimaro about the meaning of masturbation. Spoiler: The transexual with the British accent is actually voiced a Turkish actor !

35. Girl Gone Wild (Spice and Wolf)
Hot sexy girl on spring break are out of control as Holo returned to her normal state as a wolf when having sex with Lawrence.

34. Code GayAss (Code Geass)
Watch Lelouch and Suzaku 'get down to business" with their gay friends. best part of this show is no female characters!

33. I Can Feel it Coming in the Air Tonight (Touka Gettan)

32. The Sisters Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist)
Sequel to The Fullmetal Alchemist, in which the brothers dress up as their non-existent sisters.

31. Lancelot Gets Lanced A Lot (Code Geass)
A robot porn which Lancelot get speared by other mechs.

30. Your Body and You - Part 2, Coitus and Reproduction (Black Jack 21)
Describes the mechanics of human sexual intercourse, using only cheap animated stills. Most noted for a lack of a money shot.

29. Osaka and Chiyo Goes to the Red Light District (Azumanga Daioh)
The bumbling Osaka and Chiyo accidentally stumbles upon a life of crime, sex, and dirty money. Hilarity ensues.

28. Lord of the Cock Rings - The Two Ta-Ta's (Gravitation)
Spin-off to Gravitaion. Shuichi performs a "Helm's Deep" on Yuki (please don't use your imagination).

27. The Flash (Strawberry Panic)
Low budget. Shizuma is alone with a trenchcoat try to impress other girls. Barely porn.

26. The Man in Me (Maria-sama ga Miteru)
The first and last trilogy of Sei's life groping other girls.

25. Pokemon Bukkake! (Pokemon)
Pikachu tries to get 'em all.

24. Bread Fetish (Yakitate Japan!, Clannad)
What some women do with their roquefort - you'll be left hungry after their performance.

23. Innuendo (Gakuen Heaven)
Geneon's foray into soft-soft-core yaoi porn. Lots of vague talking by fully clothed young men sitting on bed. Each scene ends with the camera panning to the right and going slowly out of focus.

22. Five Go Mad in Dorking (Hidamari Sketch)
Ume Aoki's only foray into the hardcore market sees Yuno, Miyako, Sae, Hiro joined by Yoshinoya-sensei for a rollicking adventure in the sex club.

21. Animal Fun (Minami-ke Okawari)
A series of clips involving various scenes when Chiaki have sex with the hamster in her classroom. Widely considered to have led to the creation of the Animal Rights movement.

20. Makoto's List (School Days)
A static film which only show Makoto's list of the girls he had sex with.

19. Nun on Viagra (Kannazuki no Miko)
Exciting conclusion to the Kannazuki no Miko sees Sister Miyako getting back into her old habits. Guaranteed to send you directly to Hell upon death (whichever comes first, pardon the pun).

18. Your P*nis is a Warm Gun (Touka Gettan)
Touka discovers his mother's habit.

17. Fantastic Foursome (Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu)
Haruhi and 3 girls, one whose really hot, one whos always hard and one who can stretch any part of his body. Doesn't take a genius to figure the plot of this.

16. The Ladies Man (One Piece)
This adaptation is the first time a Saturday Night Live skit of Sanji has been spun off into a porno movie. Like many movies of a similar stripe, it sucked.

15. Sex Toy Story (Minami-ke)
Kana and Chiaki discovered Haruka's sex toys and decided to use on their friends and each other. Hilarity ensues.

14. The Love Boat (School Days)
A documentary of Makoto and severed Kotonoha's head on his yacht. Makoto killed Kotonoha and cut her head off instead letting Kotonoha do so. Unfortunately it contains scenes of Makoto try to perform blowjob on Kotonoha's head.

13. Creamer Versus Creamer (Venus Versus Virus)
Good Lord, it's everywhere.

12. The Bitches on the Sand (H2O: Footprints in the Sand)
Do I need to explain?

11. Kindaichi and the Mystery of the Cockless Murder (Kindaichi Shounen no Jikenbo)

10. Japanese History XXX (Doraemon)
Nobita learns the descendants of Susanoo shag their way through the struggle against Orochi, The Civil War, World War I & II, Vietnam and the Gulf War through the time machine.

9. The President's Diaries (Code Geass)
A 2.5 hour long glimpse into the Milly Ashford's diaries with guys and girls she had sex with.

8. Sin City (Trinity Blood)
At the Vatican, a previously chaste nun(Sister Esther Blanchett) discovers just what miraculous powers the Pope is really endowed with.

7. The Dominatrix (Azumanga Daioh)
In a world controlled by Microwave ovens, is it even possible to get a real erection? Be sure to take the red pill.

6. Japanese Cream Pie (Yakitate Japan)
This time Kazuma is really going to get it.

5. The Horny Grail (Fate/Stay Night)
Shiro and Saber get down and dirty...

4. Catholic Schoolgirls get Down Under (Maria-sama ga Miteru)
The same tired old plaid skirts turned upside down, notable for a total lack of Catholic schoolgirls.

3. Grannies Get Gorey 2033 (Higurashi no Naku Koro ni)
Set Hinamizawa 50 years after the show ends. Rena, now an old lady is alone and try to have sex with any men she cand find, with their blood.

2. Done in Sixty Seconds (Fullmetal Alchemist)
Edward is forced back into the industry and must have sex 50 women in one night to save his brother's life.

1. Four Crossdressers and a Sexchange (Ouran High School Host Club)
The hit series Six Feet Under finally comes of age to the big screen with some controversial porn stars doing female characters. Widely panned and critised for been "derivative" in nature.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Code Geass R2 Episode 4 - Brotherly Love?

As I expected before, there will be more yaoi undertones in this show. First season we already saw lot of Lelouch x Suzaku thing, now it's time for Lelouch and his "younger brother" Rollo. Like most other yaoi shows, brotherly love is a staple. Again this is my fear about this show for now.

Lelouch engage a gun sex with Rollo. I just don't want imagine what will happen later.

DAMMIT! Curse on you Pizza Hut for polluting this show with your ads.

CC screwing a gun, like the subtitle says. It looks like this "demon" have her major weakness.

What so special about this sign? Actually it want to show us that Japanese people, who made this show can spell "POLICE" right.

Never mess with this transvestite even he looks very funny. Especially his hair, clothings and funny red hair thingie.

Or does it mean your backside "territory" as well? Nice zooming.

Nope, that picture never change. It just your(or Lelouch's) imagination. Even Lelouch do remember Rollo as his brother but he have forgotten how many times they have sex with each other.

Like in previous season, Tamaki still a loser. He run towards Kallen and hope she will hug him but instead she went to Ohgi, who is her ex-leader before Zero(or Lelouch) in charge of their organization. Note Tamaki's facial expression and his arm position.

Sorry Suzaku, the class already ended. This is the firs time in this season Suzaku wear his school uniform again. Again, note his facial expression. He may not the same Suzaku in previous season.

Actually Lelouch already set a trap to kill Rollo by ordering a Britannian soldier to launch a rocket at Rollo's mech. Instead letting the rocket hit its target, Lelouch stop it instead by using his own mech. Luckily the rocket on hit the mech's arm, which virtually saved both Lelouch and Rollo. The most dramatic scene is when Lelouch brainwash Rollo saying that he never belong to Britannia and join Lelouch and his group instead. However Lelouch has a dubious plan on Rollo, he will use Rollo and throw him away someday as revenge for "replacing" Nunnally in his fake memory.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Kamen no Maid Guy episode 3 - Revenge of the Fanservice

In the first two episodes, we already see too many fanservice in KnMG, in the third it even more of it. Not to mention a full-frontal nudity in the first episode. So girls, put your blindfold on because this show is a fanservice rollercoster. Go grog yourself with yaoi if you hate such kind of fanservice!


There is a fine line between fanservice and blood, not just that come out from their noses.

Kogarashi have many built-in machines inside him including USB ports in his ears and paper shredder in his mouth.

It was every man's dream to see their hot, busty sister to bury her face on another busty girl and engage in a make-out session.

The mystery of the love letter's author finally revealed. Apparently she no interest on boys and she is an immgrant from Island of Lesbos, doing what other people of Lesbos did best.

This is the perfect example what yaoi fangirls deal with immigrant from Island of Lesbos.

Typhon Mountain meets Prometheus Mountain.

Finally Naeka and his brother will have Kogarashi sashimi for dinner. The end of this fanservice rollercoster.

However I wonder what happen to that lesbian girl anyway, was she murdered by Naeka? Or was she left behind in that trap? Nobody knows.

Sunday, April 27, 2008


Yep, that's right. This is the historic moment for me to make my own blog. Jun and Noe also very happy to celebrate it. Be prepared everyone, this blog will be infested with some incest pairings that I like. Kira and Cagalli is waiting for their birthday. I will add better articles soon.

The American soldiers celebrate their success dropping an A-bomb on Hiroshima but they have no clue that their grandchildren will be anime/manga fans and even turn themselves into Wapanese!